Why don’t I know what I want?

Posted by Karen Degen on 19th September 2012

Tags: Why don't I know what I want?

Often people are unhappy with their lives but when I question them about what they want instead, they say they don’t know.  They know what theydon’t want, but are very unclear about what they do want.  They often feel stuck and depressed because it’s impossible to make a change in your life if the path forward is unclear.  I believe that a deeper part of ourselves does know the change we want to make and does know the right decisions, but that ‘knowing’ is obscured by our emotions.  There may be a mix of different emotions obscuring our ‘knowing’ and these need to be identified one by one and cleared, a bit like layers off an onion.  For example, someone who is unhappy in a relationship will commonly have a fear of how they will cope financially or emotionally on their own.  There may also be guilt for the effect leaving will have on their partner or on the children and perhaps a sense of shame for what others might think.  Perhaps they have been in the relationship a long time and their sense of identity is tied up in it.   Those emotions may make them feel that change is impossible, or may be obscuring an obvious step they could take to initiate change.  When we clear the mix of thoughts and emotions, what we are left with is a clear head and a clear heart.  From that place of clarity we can proceed with confidence into a better life.