If you simply search for EFT on the Internet you will of course find our own EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), also known as tapping therapy. You will also, confusingly, find some other things called EFT. You might find websites for an Electronic Fund Transfer System used for moving funds from bank accounts, credit or debit cards. Also known in New Zealand as EFTPOS (Electronic Funds Transfer at Point of Sale). Nothing whatsoever to do with EFT tapping, but of course you can use it to pay for a session.
Just to confuse things even more, Sue Johnson in Canada has a couple of websites for something called Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. You guessed it – the abbreviation is EFT. She also has a website www.iceeft.com, which stands for the International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy. The centre promotes successful relationships between partners and within families. There is no relationship to our own EFT tapping therapy.
I even found a gaming website that came up when I searched on EFT. Then to make it even stranger, my EFT search found a newt. A newt is a small slender-bodied amphibian with lungs and a well-developed tail, typically spending its adult life on land and returning to water to breed. Apparently there is a North American newt whose juvenile stage is known as the red eft. I wonder if it taps…..?
The current Wikipedia entry for EFT is deeply flawed. It was written by Wikipedia editors who are members of the Skeptical Inquirer community. For most of the past decade, these ideologues (with no subject matter expertise, training, or certification) have controlled the Wikipedia entry on EFT.
Whenever a qualified expert tries to amend the Wikipedia entry by, for instance, summarizing a published clinical trial, the skeptics delete the amendment, in violation of Wikipedia’s NPOV (Neutral Point of View) policy. If a fact does not conform to the skeptics worldview, they omit mention of that fact. They have no respect for balance, or for scientific proof, encourage skeptics to vandalize articles, and maintain an organized presence on Wikipedia called Wikiproject Skepticism that is aimed at removing opinions at variance with their own.
Because the editors who control the EFT entry have high editorial status on Wikipedia, it is unlikely that experts are going to be able to change it.
The above post is an excerpt from an article written by Dr Dawson Church. Read the full post on the EFT Universe website. For full article go to: http://www.eftuniverse.com/eft-related-press-releases/wikipedia-revised-entry
Have you ever felt that the negative people around you are pulling you down? It may truly be happening on an energetic level. In his book The Emotion Code, Dr Bradley Nelson tells about a test he often does at seminars that demonstrates the effect that other people’s emotions have on us. He gets a volunteer to stand at the front of the room with his back to the audience and his eyes closed. He base tests him by muscle testing his arm while the volunteer is saying “love”. His arm muscle remains strong. He then tests while the volunteer is saying “hate” and his arm muscle is weak and easily pushed down. Once a baseline is set, he then instructs the audience (non verbally so the volunteer can’t see or hear) to send positive thoughts such as “I love you” or “you are wonderful”. The volunteer, who has his eyes closed and has no idea that anything is happening, is muscle tested and his arm remains strong. Then Dr Nelson instructs the audience, non verbally again, to send negative thoughts such as “I hate you” or “you are disgusting”. When he muscle tests the volunteer, who is unaware of any change of circumstance, his arm is weak and easily pushed down. This simple test shows how the positive thoughts of others can strengthen us and the negative thoughts of others can weaken us. What sort of people are you around at work? At home? How do you feel when you have been in their presence? I’ve always worked to keep myself positive, but now it seems we really are affected by those around us so we need to be aware of who we associate with if we really want to grow and develop.
I was with a friend today and one of the things I really like about her is that she embraces her amazingness. To the unenlightened she might seem to be arrogant, because we have this culture of hiding ourselves and playing it small. We don’t embrace our greatness or our Godness or our angelness. It’s certainly not OK socially to let other people know that we know we are special. My friend lets me know that she knows. In what way are you letting others know how special you really are? When you let them know that you are special you are giving them permission to see that in themselves. I was about to write about how special I was and as soon as I started writing it that horrible feeling came upon me and I backspaced over it! Why is this programming to play it small so strong? What words can I use to tell you who I really am without sounding like I love myself, and why is that so wrong!!! Another bit of programming to overcome. We are supposed to love ourselves – but not too much. It made me think of those old movies where someone thinks they are God and they put them in a mental institution. What if they really were God? What if they just understood their own greatness, weren’t afraid to speak it and the best word they could come up with to describe it was God?
Of course I’m aware of the quote by Marianne Williamson: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Even though I know that quote very well I didn’t realise until I started writing this blog quite how much I was still playing it small. My goal now is to notice it myself doing it, because noticing just how much of a problem something is is the first step towards being able to change it.
It has occurred to me for a while now that the teachers of this age, the writers and speakers such as Eckhart Tolle and Byron Katie are teaching the same thing but just in different ways and using different words. It hit home to me yesterday that the Buddhists are teaching the same stuff, except they have been teaching it longer of course. I occasionally attend a meditation class run by the Buddhists and there is a short teaching before the meditation. They teach that it is your mind or your thoughts that are the only problem you have, something I agree with of course. The other day at meditation the lady taught about attachment. We can be unhappy if we haven’t got something we are attached to. It could be as simple as getting a bad cup of coffee and you are unhappy because you have become attached to having your coffee tasting differently. We can be unhappy if we have plans that we are looking forward to and they get changed, because we are attached to the plan or the outcome, or maybe because we miss our favourite TV program. We can become attached to people or relationships and also to things, like if you lost your favourite shoes, broke your most valued possession or had your car stolen. We are unhappy because we are attaching our happiness to a certain, thing, person, situation or outcome. Bryon Katie says that the only time we are ever unhappy is when we are in conflict with reality. When we are thinking that it shouldn’t be this way. When we want something else. Eckhart Tolle says that the primary cause of unhappiness is never the situation but your thoughts about it. He says “Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.” I found it interesting that the Buddhists have been teaching this for over 2500 years, but we still haven’t got it. I think that’s why we have different teachers teaching it with different words and in different ways. Or perhaps it is because the concept is easy to understand, but the achievement of it is the work of a lifetime. I know I still have some work to do.
P.S. There’s an interesting blog about meditation here, written by Elly Mcguinness. She’s an online fitness and wellbeing trainer who can help you to lead a fitter, healthier life.
Following is part of an email exchange between myself and a client. What she has to say is so special and important that I really wanted to share it with you and have her permission to do so. Her name has been changed for confidentiality reasons.
As background, we had previously had a few sessions together via Skype (she is not in New Zealand) but hadn’t seen each other for a while. As with many of my lovely clients, I had come to like her and care about her and sent her an email one day when I was thinking about her. I knew she had been on stress leave from her job and asked how she was feeling in relation to her anxiety and health. She replied that she was feeling much better and her health tests were perfect. She also mentioned that she had nearly died and I emailed back to ask how she had nearly died, and also what in particular had helped her to feel better. This is her reply:
Dear Karen, It took me quite some time to figure out the answers to your questions.
While I was taking time off, I was working in a pizzeria, owned by my good friends. They ‘loved me up’, showing happiness every morning I was showing up. In Canada, if you want to hug someone, you need to ask: “Can I hug you?” and then you provide that ‘plastic’ hug. People from the ‘third world’ are different. They hug each other more often and very spontaneously. The love saved my life.
Also, my good friend from University flew from Sweden and spent a week with me. We drank wine, had laughs…went to mountains, had great conversations and also hugged each other. You know Karen, it feels that hugging with feelings is equal to maximum Reiki, so to speak. I really believe that we can heal others ‘just’ by love.
How I nearly died is more difficult to answer. I allowed people to step all over me for a long time. They did not do it on purpose, but I just gave them too much. To me, it felt as if I did give away my power to them, they would be happier and I would feel better, because, for some reasons I just was not comfortable if people around me were not ok. Most of the times in my life, I was way more powerful, accomplished quite a bit in science, music, …and I was fun. Everyone wanted to be around me and I did everything to entertain and please others. At work, the work plus compassion, plus my previous problems with my ex, was too much and I fell apart.
The funny thing is, few days ago I admitted to myself that I was just my best self again.
23 June was my return to work day. Then, out of the blue, a Human Resources person called from my company and told me that my work was going to be terminated….I have 4 weeks notice (paid) and also 5 weeks of unused vacation (to be paid), so I am ‘fine’ all summer. I did not warn to go back to work actually and this is an answer to my prayer, but it still feels wrong and not fair. I could hire a lawyer, sue the company and get additional money, yet I want to move on.
But it is tricky, I am on a unmarked road now where all options are open and yet, I don’t know how to proceed. Grace is always here, they say….
What do you say?
Love you, Sarah
Sarah, what a lovely reply. Thank you so much for sharing that with me. I totally agree with your comment that love can heal, that being happy can heal and that hugs can heal. I want everyone to hear that. They hear it from me, but hearing it from someone who has experienced the transformation in their own lives is important.
You have hit on something so important here. You NEED to feel happy (and loved is part of that) to be healthy. If everyone who was sick just let go of trying to please others, let go of things they hated doing (like their job or their relationship) and did things that made them happy they would transform their lives. In this life there are only two things – those that deaden us and those that bring us joy. You dropped the things that deadened you and added stuff that bought you joy. You couldn’t have done anything more perfect.
Going back to work would deaden you all over again. You being terminated is the Universe’s way of saving you from that. How wonderful that you were terminated!!!!! Now you have to go out and find something better for you. Better might mean more enjoyable, easier, less stressful rather than more prestigious or better paying – then again it might not. Celebrate this situation and expect only the best from it. Use EFT to let go of the fear or worry so you have no barrier to attracting a better future.
I was in exactly your situation once. I had been made redundant and felt the same – that I had all these unmarked roads in front of me. The way to proceed is this. Relax. Let go. Be. Allow. If there is no resistance in the way the Universe will bring the right opportunity to you. You just have to be able to recognize it and have the bravery to take it.
Love and best wishes for a wonderful future which I know you will have. You know I’m here to help if you want it.
Apparently having self control, otherwise known as willpower, makes us happier. If we have better self-control, we have a choice and we can ignore the first impulse. According to studies by Professor Roy Baumeister we spend about 3 to 4 hours a day resisting desire and about 30 minutes each day giving in!
His research shows that willpower gets depleted over time, which I find fascinating. Who knew? Apparently it works like a muscle and gets tired.
The other thing I found fascinating is that decision-making gets harder if our willpower is tired or depleted. It can be difficult to make decisions or choose the best option. Apparently, if our store of willpower is low we make more self-indulgent and illogical choices. We all know what that is like.
Willpower is also influenced by other factors like our blood Glucose levels, PMS and physical exertion, which can all impair our decision-making abilities. For example, a study showed that judges in Israeli courts are more likely to give parole to prisoners just after their 10am snack and after lunch. The chances decrease as the day wears on.
How do we know when our willpower or self control is depleted? Professor Baumeister says “There’s no signature feeling. However, one sign is that people feel everything more strongly”. So if you are feeling things more intensely watch out – your decision-making ability may not be good.
The good news is your willpower can be restored by having a meal, getting a good night’s sleep, and taking note of what makes you vulnerable to making poor decisions.
I love this research because now I have a scientific excuse for not being able to resist that chocolate.
(Credit where its due – I found some of this information on someone else’s blogg, but they blogged anonymously so I don’t know who it was)
Also there is an interesting blog here by Elly McGuinness about the ‘willpower gap’. Elly is an online fitness and wellbeing trainer who can help you to lead a fitter, healthier life.
I read some really interesting research done on HIV positive gay men which aimed to find out whether how ‘out’ or ‘closeted’ they were with their homosexuality affected their disease progression. Study participants were asked to rate themselves as ‘definitely in the closet’, ‘in the closet most of the time’, ‘half in and half out’, ‘out most of the time’ or ‘completely out of the closet’. Researchers then followed the progression of their disease and the results are fascinating because their HIV infection progressed more quickly in direct proportion to how ‘in the closet’ they were. The more they lived in alignment with their truth, the healthier they were. The results weren’t subtle either – those who were mostly or all the way in the closet hit critically low CD4 counts 40% faster than those who were mostly or all the way out and they died 21% faster! We can all take a lesson from that because no matter what our sexual orientation, many of us hide who we really are. We hide behind a mask and behave like we think others want us to behave. We feel we can’t be truly ourselves because we won’t be accepted or liked enough. We act differently with different people. To what extend are you being truly you? To what extent are you out of the closet? I know I can’t say I’m 100% completely out with all people all of the time. If your health is not as good as it could be perhaps it’s time to look at how ‘out’ you are in relation to being yourself.
Many times we feel guilty for making a decision that will make us happy but might negatively affect the children. What are we teaching the children though if we always put others first and consequently live lives of ongoing misery? Is it useful to teach them to stay constrained by society’s rules and expectations no matter how miserable it makes them? It seems to me that its more useful to teach the children how to find happiness in life. It seems to me that this gift is far more valuable than the thing they might be losing (like a “stable” nuclear family for example). Let go of the guilt and lead by example by being the happiest and most emotionally peaceful person you can be.
People often come to me after seeing a counselor and tell me that it hasn’t helped them. Often they feel better immediately afterwards, but the feeling doesn’t last. There are a couple of main reasons why counselling often doesn’t work.
Firstly, we are mind, body and spirit. We need to be treated as a whole or (w)holistically. You can’t just take one part out of the mix i.e. the mind, and think you will be completely successful. That’s the reason doctors are less than successful a lot of the time – they work just with the body. The mind, body and spirit are all connected so any treatment that doesn’t treat the whole will often fall short. EFT works holistically at all levels.
The second reason that counselling sometimes doesn’t work is that many of the issues we have are subconscious. A good counselor may be able to find the deeply rooted subconscious programs that we run, like limiting beliefs, but knowing they exist doesn’t actually change them. I love the explanation that Dr Bruce Lipton gives. He says the subconscious mind is like a tape player. It can only play the program it’s got. You can’t talk to a tape player that has a Michael Jackson program on it and ask it to change to some Madonna. It can only play the tape that’s in there. It’s the same with the subconscious mind. Gaining an understanding of why we are the way we are won’t change a thing. Bruce Lipton says that Energy Psychology (such as EFT) is like pressing the record button and recording over those programs.