I’ve been listening to the Hay House world summit and the speaker (Bernie Siegel) was referring to a couple of studies about survival rates of seriously ill people. In one study of aids survivors they found that there were five traits common to those who survived. The survivors had found a way of doing the following things, even though they hadn’t done so previous to their illness. The five were: they asked for help, they expressed their anger, they said “no”, they were in charge of their own treatment, and they used their emotions (as opposed to suppressing them). The five traits are so similar to other doctors I’ve read and certainly common to what I notice in my seriously ill clients. Without a doubt the very ill are all people who don’t put themselves first and don’t say “no” if others ask something of them. Many doctors believe they can tell who’s going to get something serious such as cancer or heart disease in the future, based on personality alone. This has been backed up by studies over many years. Its often ‘nice’ people who get these serious diseases because these are the ones who don’t put themselves first, don’t say “no” and don’t express their negative emotions. If you are one of these people and don’t know how to go about changing, I can definitely help with that. There is that old saying “only the good die young”. Make sure it’s not you.
You can’t attract a well-balanced, happy person if you are not that already. No matter what you do or say, you will attract to you those who predominantly match the person who you predominantly are. People often say they want a partner who will ‘complete them’ and believe they will feel better when they have that person. According to the Law of Attraction however you must feel better before it can come to you. If you are not happy with yourself, the attraction of a partner can only highlight those issues. Have you noticed repeating patterns in your relationships? These are usually red flags that something needs to change in you because no matter who you are with, the same situation will arise at some point. It is not possible to attract someone who loves and accepts you completely if you don’t love and accept yourself. How kind are you towards yourself with your thoughts? Many of my clients are so critical of themselves that it is no surprise they have partners who are always finding fault in them. Your outside world always reflects your inside world.
P.S. You may be interested in a related blog about how your relationships at home affects your nutrition choices. If so click here. The blog is by Elly McGuinness who is an online fitness and wellbeing trainer who can help you lead a fitter, healthier life.
Whenever someone tells me they are afraid of losing themselves in their relationship I instantly know quite a lot about them. I know that they are the type of person to put others before themselves and in a relationship they will be doing all they can to keep their partner happy, regardless of whether it’s what they want or not. I know also they aren’t good at saying “no”. They probably don’t set boundaries and they almost certainly don’t enforce them. They are likely not the type of person who can speak their truth or tell the other person what they are really feeling. They can probably tell them the good feelings easily enough, but if they have any fears, doubts or negative emotions they will likely keep them to themselves. Losing yourself in a relationship says nothing about your partner but a lot about you. No matter who you are with, the common denominator is you, so to make any relationship better you need to work on changing yourself.
I really enjoy receiving the daily quotes from Neale Donald Walsch (author of Conversations with God). The following is his teaching: If you think that love is what you want, you will go searching for it all over the place. If you think love is what you are, you will go sharing it all over the place. The second approach will cause you to find what the searching will never reveal. Yet you cannot give love in order to get it. Doing that is as much as saying you do not now have it. And that statement will, of course, be your reality. No, you must give love because you have it to give. In this will you experience your own possession of it.
This is so true because we attract into our lives that which we focus our thought upon. When we think about what we don’t have we attract more ‘not having’. Knowing this is quite different from being able to live it however. One of the things I do is help my clients permanently change their way of thinking so they can attract the love they want in their lives. Changing how you think takes a good teacher and practice.
I received an email today that simply said “I need help with my head. I don’t know where I am going. My head is always mixed up.” I loved the simplicity of the one-line message because it expressed so much and there was no need for more words. This common problem exists because most of us haven’t learned how to control our minds. Our minds control us and keep us in a state of fear, doubt and worry. I teach people ways to gain that control back. The mind doesn’t give up trying to control you, but it no longer succeeds once you learn how to take back the driver’s seat. If you want to be in the driver’s set of your own thoughts I’d be happy to teach you how.
Dr. Christiane Northrup says that women who tend to be most at risk for breast cancer are those who have difficulty nurturing themselves and receiving pleasure. Her co-president of the American Holistic Medical Association in the early ‘90s was Bernie Siegel, a pediatric surgeon from Yale who said to her ‘I have come to see that the fundamental problem most patients face is the inability to love themselves.” This is the most common trait I see in my clients and something EFT is wonderful at changing. It is not only our thoughts and emotions towards ourselves that affect our health, but those towards others. A study published in 2008 in the Archives of Internal Medicine concluded that women who didn’t have regular breast cancer screenings probably had the same number of occurrences of breast cancer, but their bodies had somehow corrected the abnormalities on their own. Dr. Northrup commented “Of course, this makes complete sense, because your immune system is set up to recognize and destroy cancers in the right environment”. “The right environment, of course, is enough sleep, a low-glycemic diet, enough vitamin D, and alsoregular handling of resentments, anger, grief, and loss.” What is the emotional environment of your body? If you’d like a professional opinion I can give you a free emotional health check. Just contact me and I’ll send you the one page assessment form.
A friend and I were talking about the bad behavior of famous people and how easy it would be to get like that if we too had people treating us like were truly fantastic. I find in my life that I have to work quite hard at times to be the person I want to be i.e. loving, forgiving and ‘nice’. I sometimes feel that my default setting is none of those things. I wondered whether it was the fact that I do work hard to counter those default settings when perhaps the famous people don’t. It reminded me of the Roman emperors who used to parade through worshiping crowds. It is said that an emperor was accompanied in his chariot by a slave whose sole duty was to whisper into his ear “Memento mori”, meaning ‘remember that you are mortal’. I love that! It would be so easy to get narcissistic or (excuse the colloquialism) ‘up yourself’ if you had people worshiping everything you said and did. If I get really famous I’m going to have someone in a similar role to the one that slave had. Someone to stop me getting ‘up myself’. It will have to be someone who sees all of my faults clearly and is happy to remind me about them. That person wouldn’t be one of my friends; in fact they would be someone who I feel uneasy around, because they don’t see me as I want to be seen, but as how I am. Those people are the most valuable ones to have around because they teach us so much. Like everything else in life there’s a fine line between loving and accepting yourself and having self-confidence, and getting ‘too big for your boots’ as my mother used to say. I don’t have a slave to whisper in my ear, but I do have a number of tools I use to help me be the person I want to be. If you’d like help to be who you want to be (rather than the default setting) let me know.
Perfectionism is a trait I see in many of my clients and it’s an issue that causes many problems. In fact it’s the third most damaging personality trait I see. One common symptom of being a perfectionist is procrastination. They either won’t start something or will start it and not finish. This of course is not just a trait of perfectionists, but the reason it shows up in them is because they can’t cope with not meeting their own high standards. Subconsciously it’s easier to live with themselves if they give up than if they try really hard but don’t succeed at the highest level. Perfectionism can stop us living life to our fullest potential because of a fear we won’t reach it. For perfectionists there is no ‘try’, there is only ‘do’, so not doing is often the only option. Often perfectionists are afraid that if we change that trait they will no longer try as hard. The opposite is actually true – they will try more things without being afraid of not being great at them.
I’ve been having Qi Gong lessons lately but only just read the philosophy behind it which says we should only give 70% effort. I loved it as I believe this is a major stumbling block to us living life to our highest purpose. I see it all the time with clients who are doing too much and working too hard. In Law of Attraction terms it would mean too much action and not enough allowing. This is the philosophy I read:
“The living philosophy of the Dao suggests: Do not too much and not too little. The balance allows our body and mind to stay relaxed and we are able to integrate the fruits of your efforts. As more you relax, the more “Qi-energy”, stamina, and strength you will have. Striving for 100 percent inherently produces tension and stress because as soon as you strain or go beyond your capacity, your body has a natural tendency to experience fear and to begin, even without you being aware of it, to tense or shut down in response.”
When you think of your future, do you get excited or do you feel worried or fearful? According to the Law of Attraction, where you are in your life now is a direct result of what you have thought, believed and expected in the past. The only way to change your life is to change your thoughts. Feeling fearful or worried will only attract more of what you don’t want. Many people who are worried or fearful don’t know what they want so they can’t even begin to get excited about their future. When someone doesn’t know what they want it’s often because they don’t believe they can have it, so why dream it? This block needs to be cleared first before any goal setting or dreaming can take place. Without something to aim for it’s highly unlikely you will hit your target. Not having a goal or a dream for your future is the equivalent of getting into a taxi and not having any idea of where you want to go. If you’d like to create a future that you can be excited about I’m here to help.